didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
