So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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