He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
