it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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