Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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