so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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