STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize