Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
