A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
