and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
