I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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