does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pants are for mortals
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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