oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
