Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
