that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You took a bar mat shot.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize