My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
