HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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