My friends, they love my intelligence
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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