This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
