He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
