I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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