FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize