My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
