i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
