Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
