I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like, not good at living.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
