I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize