I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
