I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize