i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
