She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
