she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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