Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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