i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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