You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize