Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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