yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
