I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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