dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize