You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
