Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize