That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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