You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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