trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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