don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
