i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my liver is dry heaving
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
