He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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