Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
