So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
