i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize