i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
