May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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