The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
