A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
