Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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