it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
