What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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