how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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