The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
