I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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