I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ass is underappreciated
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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