Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
