You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
