worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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