The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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