Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
