Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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