Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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