I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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