guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
