HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
