Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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