Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
