I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize