i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
