You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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