the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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